Long Division Isn't Real

I was looking through my unpublished entries this morning and I found this:

4^th grade – The year I was homeschooled.  Mom had to bribe me with strawberry-orange-banana juice to get me to do my shoolwork.  

Mom had a psychological breakdown over teaching me long division.  I hated long division because it looked more like dance-choreography than math and I was pretty sure that it wasn't actually real and my mom was just fucking with me for entertainment. 

My mom was like "First, you draw a line with a little hang-y tail!  Then you write the big number inside the little half-box.  Then you write the little number on the outside!  Now, divide the the little number into the littlest part of the big number that is at least as big as the little number.  It probably won't fit exactly, but that's okay.  Figure out how many times it fits all the way and write that number on top of the box.  Now, write the number that the little number does fit into underneath the number that it doesn't fit into and subtract them.  Then draw a line.  Then write your answer under the line.  Then bring the next number in the big number down next to the number you just wrote.  Then hop on one foot and punch yourself in the face while singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star... "

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!  Why would anyone do that with numbers?

To this day I am resentful of that stupid half-box with the little hang-y tail.  It should never have gotten involved in math.  It drastically altered my ability to take math seriously.

P.S.  I'll write a real post for you later today.