How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions and Also Accomplish Lots of Other Things

This year, I'm going to trick myself into accomplishing my New Year's resolutions.  I've come up with a bunch of easily achievable "decoy resolutions" among which I will hide my real resolutions.  I'm hoping that if I'm flying along, accomplishing things like crazy, and I come to one of my real New Year's resolutions, I'll just assume it's easy like all the other ones and get through it without a problem.   Kind of like how zebras confuse their predators by being all stripe-y and running around chaotically.   Then the predator is all "Oh no!  There's so many of them!  I'm so confused and I don't know which one to pick, so I'm just going to stand here and let them run away..."

Actually, I don't think that's what I want.  That's the opposite of what I want.  Oh well, I've come this far and I'm not about to waste a good blog post on account of a technicality.

New Year's Resolutions:

1.  Blink my eyes sometimes.  DONE
2.  Sit in a chair.  DONE
3.  Make a sudden, loud noise like "bababababa!!!" DONE
4.  Have skin on my arms and legs.  DONE
5.  Get a real-person job.
6.  Think about dolphins.  DONE
7.  Think about bears.
8.  Enjoy eating cheese.  DONE
9.  Take more showers
10.  Incorporate the word "magnanimous" into a blog post.  DONE
11.  Learn the definition of "magnanimous."  DONE.  Googled it.  It means "to be generous and forgiving of insult or injury, to be free from petty resentfulness."
12.  Be more magnanimous.  DONE.  Kyle, we can be friends if you want.  Crap Blog Detective, I take back what I said about you being a "douche bad."
13.  Somehow become less scared of my basement.
14.  Look outside and see that it is raining.  DONE
15.  Become famous.
16.  Make a million dollars.
17.  Point at a lamp.  DONE
18.  Point at the ground.  DONE
19.  Hop on one foot.  DONE
20.  Eat some snow.  DONE
21.  Don't get any gastrointestinal diseases from eating snow
22.  Grow an indestructible exoskeleton
23.  Post a picture of a dinosaur on my blog

DONE.  I'm such an overachiever.  That's eight dinosaurs.   And Jesus.

24.  Look outside again and see that it is still raining.  DONE
25.  Look outside and plan to check if it is raining again, but forget about the rain because there are wild turkeys on your parents' lawn and that is distracting.  DONE.
26.  Get really, absurdly excited about the wild turkeys.  DONE
27.  Chase wild turkeys off of parents' lawn.  DONE.  Those turkeys didn't stand a chance.
28.  Feel way more powerful than turkeys.  DONE
29.  Think about monsters.   DONE.
30.  Write at least one blog post.  DONE